We have now seen well over 100 houses in the last 12 months, made four offers, subjected our poor realtor to countless weekends and evenings away from his family 35 miles away, and the clock is still ticking toward our June 30 lease expiration deadline.
The news this week is that housing inventory is at a 17-year low in the Salt Lake area, with only about 4,000 properties listed in the entire county. This is painfully obvious to us. Drive down any random street in the county and odds are good you won't see a "for sale" sign in front of any house on the entire length of the street. It seems the only properties for sale are those which have had one owner-occupant for the last 60 years. These listings usually describe the house as an "estate sale" or "pride of ownership is evident." This is code for "expect to see dull magenta carpets, wood paneling from floor to ceiling, outdated light fixtures, linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom (1 miniscule bathroom, by the way), a non-functional fireplace (if any), giant mirrors on the walls and sliding closet doors, wallpaper that would have been considered tacky even in the '70s, avocado kitchen and bathroom fixtures, a single-car garage with massive oil stains on the cracked concrete with the entire garage listing approximately 15 degrees to the right, closets with less space than the trunk of my Honda Civic, a noisy, ineffective swamp cooler blocking all the view from the largest window in the house, single-pane windows everywhere resulting in $270/mo. gas bills, dangerous radon gas levels in the basement, which is only about 15% finished with 5'9" ceiling clearance (even lower where ductwork crosses your path), the remainder consisting of dark, dirty, smelly crawlspace with large cracks in the foundation and lots of compartmentalized "storage" rooms which could have come straight out of Buffalo Bill's dungeon in Silence of the Lambs. Well, we saw about 6 of these houses today."
The good news is we effectively knocked out half the homes on our list of potential properties.Yes, our list is that short and no, we are not being picky. We may just have to wait another two weeks for the market to catch up, like it's projected to do any day now (as everyone keeps telling us, month after month, for the last several months). It seems the number of reasonably good houses on the market keeps dropping, rather than increasing, so I don't know which tea leaves they are reading (or have been smoking).
Without further ado, today's crop of rejects: (Note: these links die fast, so catch them while you can.)
1) MLS 1141171 This East Millcreek house was actually cute and nicely remodeled, but it was near the top of our price range. Similar houses are selling for $50,000 less in other parts of the city. The realtor's assistant was late for the open house. I called the realtor to see what the problem was. She called me back after a few minutes telling me the assistant had car troubles and was broken down by the side of the road. The assistant arrived shortly thereafter (15 minutes late) with hair still wet from the shower and dressed like a hooker. Her car seemed to be functioning properly.
2) MLS 1143810 The best property of the day also proved to be the biggest disappointment. An absolutely gorgeous Midvale townhouse which, unfortunately, won't be completed until December 2013. Our lease expires at the end of June 2013.
3) MLS 1145846 This South Salt Lake house was nicely remodeled, and would have been just the ticket for us with 5 bedrooms, 2 baths, and 2800 square feet. However, about half the basement (1400 sf) was unusable due to a "shelf" basement situation. (The shelf would have been fine for someone the height of your average garden gnome), and a hideous low-rent apartment building blocked the entire view to the east.
To make matters worse, the seller had recently poured concrete for a brand spankin' new driveway between the house and the apartment building. Another gravel driveway on the west of the house would have been preferred, as there is now no way of planting hedges/trees on the east side of the house to block the view.
4) MLS 1147343 This Sugarhouse bungalow had great curb appeal and had a great remodeled main floor. Then there was the basement. Dark, low-ceilinged, and reeking of cat urine, we wondered if we had stumbled into what had previously been a meth lab. 1072 square feet of unusable space in a house leaving only 1072 sf (and just a single bedroom) on the main floor.
5) MLS 1146624 Another Sugarhouse cottage, in the shadow of the massive John Taylor house just off 27th South. We were encouraged to see some diversity in this neighborhood but we probably spent less than 2 minutes total in the house. The listing describes this house as "lots of potential, just waiting for your own personal touch." Beware: this is code for "the place has been stuck in the 1950s for over half a century. Don't expect any modern conveniences or updates anywhere."
6) MLS 1146925 Then came a bit of a drive to Canyon Rim. This house was in even worse shape than the previous one. Peeling paint, a sad kitchen with stained countertops, sink, and floor, and three nondescript rooms on the main level. The best thing about this house was the friendly dog who greeted us. The $300K asking price was totally due to the neighborhood it was situated in, not due to any redeeming qualities the house itself possessed.
7) MLS 1146863 Now this house was intriguing to us. Formerly a commercial space, it was being sold (along with the house next to it) for only $325K for the pair. From the photos it appeared to be a classic late-Victorian bungalow. Our first clue something was seriously amiss was the view:
Yep, it was situated smack dab in the middle of an industrial wasteland. Well, we braved the interior anyway and wished we hadn't. Apparently there was a tenant occupying the house, and by the looks of his "decor" he was 20 years old and male. Furniture consisted of one old couch from the '80s, a bed piled with dirty clothes, a large TV and an XBox 360. Windows along the back of the house were boarded up and there were triple locks on the door. The listing agent suggested we could look at the 2-car garage if we were still interested in the property after looking inside the house. We did not look at the garage. Tenia actually apologized to our realtor and offered to buy him gas for having him drive us all the way out to this god-forsaken lot.
8) MLS 1147194 A miniscule condo in downtown Salt Lake. I suggested we skip it, since at $279K and 1150 sf, it would have been $234 per square foot, nearly double the average we had been encountering ($121).
9) MLS 1145121 Now we were on the northwest side of Salt Lake City, on busy 3rd West on the edge of the Marmalade district. This house was described by the listing agent as a "charming brick tudor." Instead we found another dark, depressing, non-updated house with an unusable basement that smelled like urine. Sometimes outdated bathrooms are retro and cool. This one wasn't.
And the back yard was something special:
But best of all: a leaky faucet in the basement dripping into a large plastic storage bin, which was completely overflowing and flooding the basement only 15 minutes after the listing agent concluded an open house. If I had known the house came with a pool (and no HOA fee!) maybe I would have made an offer.
10) MLS 1147472 Our last house of the day was also the most eagerly anticipated. Tenia had had her eye on this property for months as it went on and off the market. Now it was back on again, with NEW KITCHEN, CARPET AND PAINT ! I won't lie, I had high hopes for this one, with such a cute exterior:
As we entered the house, we explored in stunned silence. And not because it exceeded all our expectations. The house was a feng shui disaster. A basement with rat poison set out in plain sight. No air conditioning. Whacky hot water baseboard heating. Two bathrooms almost right next to each other on the main floor that looked like they were transplanted out of a mental institution. The constant whir of traffic on 3rd West. And the much ballyhooed kitchen? A coat of green paint in a wretched shade and PARTICLE BOARD COUNTERTOPS with a thin veneer of finish on top. A beat-up old stove from probably about 1972.
Enough bitching for today. There's always tomorrow.
